... by the fire.
Hi,
This was me, caught in a pensive mood [ie as jober as a sudge] at the internet meeting in Haddenham some time back.
If you want to know more about me click on the picture...
But you'd be far better off wandering further down this page!!
By and large I've done my best to organise the pages into groups. Each page in the group has the option to move on to the next page in sequence or back to the 'primary' page for that group. And EVERY page allows you to drop straight back here. I'm assuming that you can find an exit key for yourself!
This page is the primary link to all the grouped pages...
As such, it's fairly big so I've made sure that there's also plenty of stuff to read while you're waiting for all the pretty graphics to load. Because it's so big I've put in some 'hop, skip and jump' buttons to help you get around.
[You may need JavaScript enabled to be able to use these]You may already have seen the set of short short stories, but if not, they're listed directly below this section.
This button will skip you straight there if you'd like to take a look. Click on the picture to see the whole story.
The first item of a number of fun bits from News Groups can be found here, and you can see the others if you follow the link at the bottom of the section.
Collected TagLines - some to view [and even more available for download] can be accessed via this page. Use the Squeak! to return, or the icons to browse.
Cats are great! Meet some...
You can contact me by email or direct from this site. [I'd certainly like to know about any problems!]
Credit where it's due, especially for the animated gifs and the overall page construction can be found here...
A few scribbles ...
Every now and then I find myself with an idea for a mildly humourous short story. I used to tell them, rather than write them. The trouble was, that when someone asked me to tell any given story again I couldn't! It was gone. So now, sometimes anyway, I write them down...
Every good story has a moral in it somewhere, but this one hasn't ;-)
If you ever wanted to know the real reason why the chicken crossed the road - here it is.
Henry was a chicken who knew what he wanted.
But there are times when getting your hearts desire is not all it's cracked up to be.
It took me years and years to develop this diet. The unremitting toil and labour I underwent on your behalf would bring tears to your eyes if I told you only the tiniest fraction of it... so I won't burden you.
Hedgehogs. Things that go bump in the night! ;-)
If you want to know more about care and feeding of, or rescue of hedgehogs then follow the link.
Hedgehog Rescue Link
I had thought that the sport mentioned here was somewhat sedentary, but believe me - there's more fierce competition, skill, concentration, and outright derring do involved than meets the eye!
Life on the sea bed is no boring and dull affair,
oh no!
There's an adventure to be found at every turn...
Well, that's the end of these for the moment, but there'll be more...
Some bits saved from the newsgroups ...
These are things that gave rise to anything from a chuckle to a huge body shaking belly laugh.
Like beauty... humour is in the eye of the beholder...
Things such as this...
How to feed a pill to your cat- Grasp cat firmly in your arms. Cradle its head on your elbow, just as if you were giving baby a bottle. Coo confidently, "That's a nice kitty". Drop pill into it's mouth.
- Retrieve cat from top of lamp and pill from under sofa...
- Follow same procedure as in 1. but hold cat's front paws down with left hand and back paws down with elbow of right arm. Poke pill into its mouth with right forefinger.
- Retrieve cat from under bed. Get new pill from bottle. (Resist impulse to get a new cat]
- Again proceed as in 1, except when you have cat firmly cradled in bottle feeding position, sit down on edge of chair, fold your torso over cat, bring your right hand over your right elbow, open cat's mouth by lifting the upper jaw ... and pop the pill in - quickly. Since your head is down by your knees, you won't be able to see what you're doing. That's just as well.
- Leave cat hanging on curtains. Leave pill in your hair.
- If you're a woman, have a good cry. If you're a man, have a good cry.
- Now pull yourself together. Who's the boss here anyway? Retrieve cat and pill. Assuming the "who's the boss here anyway" attitude, open cat's mouth, take pill and ... Ooops!
- This isn't working, is it? Collapse and think.. Aha! Those flashing claws are causing the chaos.
- Crawl to the linen cupboard. Drag back one large beach towel. Spread towel on floor.
- Retrieve cat from kitchen counter and pill from plant pot...
- Spread cat on towel near one end ... with it's head over long edge.
- Flatten cat's front and back legs over it's stomach. [Resist impulse to flatten the cat].
- Roll cat in towel. Work fast; time and tabbies wait for no man [or woman].
- Resume position 1. Rotate your left hand to cat's head. Press its mouth at the jaw hinges like opening the petals of a snapdragon...
- Drop pill into cat's mouth and poke gently. Voila ... It's done.
- Vacuum up loose fur [cat's]. Apply bandages to wounds [yours].
- Take 2 aspirins. Lie down.
Written by PEGGY ALTHOFF on:-
TINAS HOMEPAGE http://www.castle.net/%7Etina/fun.html
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For more such articles, quips etc. catch the beetle...
CREDITS will be here when I'm done...